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Pleasantries
Jokes
41 through 45
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41
Once there were three surgeons engaged in conversation. They got on the topic of their occupation and each stated who they liked to operate on.
The
first doctor said, "I like to work on electricians."
"Why?" the others replied.
He answered, "When you open them up, they are all color coded so you know where
everything goes."
The
second doctor said, "I like to work on librarians."
"Why?" the other doctors asked.
He replied, "Librarians are all organized in a sophisticated pattern."
The
third doctor said, "Well, I like to work on lawyers."
"Lawyers?!" replied the others suprised.
"Yes, Lawyers" he stated.
"But why?" they asked him.
"Well, they are gutless, they have no spine, and their heads and butts are
interchangable."
01-26-2005
42
The husband, a software engineer, returns home.
Husband:
Good Evening dear... I'm now logged in.
Wife: Have you brought the grocery?
Husband: Bad command or filename.
Wife:
But I told you in the morning
Husband: Syntax Error. Abort?
Wife:
What about my new TV?
Husband: Variable not found...
Wife:
At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.
Husband: Sharing Violation. Access denied.
Wife:
Do you love me, or do you only love computers, or are you just being funny?
Husband: Too many parameters...
Wife:
It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.
Husband: Data type mismatch.
Wife:
You are useless.
Husband: It's by Default.
Wife:
What about your Salary?
Husband: File in use... Try later.
Wife:
What is my value in the family.
Husband: Unknown Virus
MORAL: Beware before getting married to an IT pro.
02-09-2005
43
Three weeks after her wedding day, the wife called her minister.
"Reverend," she wailed, "my husband and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said the wife. "What I don't know is what to do with the BODY!"
03-18-2005
44
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your butt and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious.
09-14-2005
45
I noticed my husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach.
Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, I quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon?"
"Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers!"
01-13-2006