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Pleasantries
Jokes
51 through 55
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51
One
day a woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's
wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that
necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
The next day, the woman arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
The
next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink
coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"
She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later
after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only
one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's
only an inch of water in the tub!"
He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet!"
52
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan
greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will
be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big
liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be
generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be
locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in
which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes
him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about
and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny
room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look
on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the
finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without
hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
05-16-2008
53
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When
asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
54
For
three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at
this country inn. The previous year he'd finally managed an affair with
the innkeeper's daughter.
Looking forward to an exciting few
days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped
short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen,
why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I
would have rushed up here, and we could have gotten married!"
"Well,"
she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all
night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a
bastard in the family than a lawyer."
08-27-2008
55
What is the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law and a great lawyer knows the Judge!!!
11-12-2008