46 through 50
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too!"
woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school. She
goes into his bedroom and tells him to get up or he will miss breakfast.
"No," the son replies. "I don't wanna go to school!"
"You HAVE to go to school," the mother scolds.
"No! The kids are mean to me, the teachers don't like me, and the lunches are icky."
"You WILL go to school, young man," the mother warns.
"Why? Why do I have to go to school today?" the son asks.
"Because you're the principal, now get out of bed!"
An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another Woof for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all!!!"
The teacher of the school geography class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked: "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"
After a confused silence, little Johnny volunteered: "I guess you'd be eating alone!"
teacher was reviewing her class's homework assignment. She asked Susie
to stand up and tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to
seven times its original size when stimulated.
Susie stood up, shuffled her feet and said, "Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you."
The teacher said, "Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated."
Johnny said, "That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated by light."
The teacher said, "That's right, Johnny."
Then she turned to Susie and said, "Susie, first of all, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, when you get married, you're in for a big disappointment."